is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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