i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
