to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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