I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
