im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
