He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
