I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
