there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
