Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
