My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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