and i looked up. we had an audience...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
