The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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