omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
