fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
