Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
God, I missed his penis.
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