She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
