You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
