So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
