I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
