Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize