giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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