make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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