You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
