just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
