he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
