Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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