That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
