I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
