My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
