Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
