Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
