Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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