Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
