god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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