i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
