How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
