If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
