The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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