I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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