2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
