It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
