my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
