Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
