You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
