sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
