Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
50% drunk capacity currently
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
