I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
