you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
