I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
