and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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