oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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