you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
