You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
