you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
